Jewish Funeral Traditions: Shiva, Burial Customs, and What to Expect

By Susan Jackson · Published 2026-05-30 · 9 min read

A clear guide to Jewish funeral and mourning practices — kriah, the 24-hour burial timeline, shiva, sheloshim, sitting shiva etiquette, and what to say or bring.

Jewish funeral traditions are built around two principles: kevod ha-met (honoring the dead) and nichum aveilim (comforting the mourners). Together they shape practices that are fast, simple, communal, and deeply structured — from the moments after death through the year that follows.

This guide walks through what happens, in what order, and how to participate respectfully whether you're Jewish, marrying into a Jewish family, or attending your first Jewish funeral.

What you need to know in 30 seconds

• Burial happens quickly — typically within 24 hours, almost always within 48. Embalming and viewings are avoided.
• The body is washed (tahara), dressed in a plain white shroud (tachrichim), and buried in a simple wooden casket — often pine with no metal.
• A small tear is made in the mourner's clothing (kriah), traditionally over the heart for a parent and on the right side for other close relatives.
• Shiva — seven days of intensive mourning at the family's home — begins after burial.
• The mourning year is structured: shiva (7 days), sheloshim (30 days), and a full year for parents with a formal unveiling at the gravesite around the one-year mark.
• Visiting shiva: bring food, don't bring flowers, don't expect small talk, sit quietly and let the mourner lead the conversation.

Before the funeral: shmira and tahara

From the moment of death until burial, the body is never left alone. A shomer (guardian) sits with the body, reading Psalms. This vigil — shmira — is a sign of respect, recognizing that the soul is still present.

Tahara is the ritual washing and preparation of the body, performed by the chevra kadisha (sacred burial society) — trained volunteers of the same gender as the deceased. The body is washed with care, dressed in plain white linen shrouds, and placed in the casket. Men are often wrapped in their tallit (prayer shawl), with one of the fringes ceremonially cut to mark its no-longer-ritual use.

Tahara is a profound act of communal care, performed quietly and without payment.

The casket

Jewish tradition calls for the simplest possible casket — usually unfinished pine, joined with wooden pegs rather than metal nails or screws. The principle is that all people are equal in death and that the body should return to the earth naturally.

In Israel and in some Orthodox communities, the body is buried directly in the earth without a casket.

Kriah: the tearing of the garment

At the funeral or just before, immediate mourners perform kriah — tearing a piece of clothing (or, in many contemporary settings, a black ribbon pinned to clothing) as a visceral expression of grief.

• For a parent, the tear is made over the heart on the left side and worn for the full thirty days.
• For a spouse, sibling, or child, the tear is on the right side and worn through shiva.

The blessing recited acknowledges God as the "true Judge."

The funeral service

Jewish funerals are intentionally brief — often 20 to 45 minutes — and focused on the deceased. There is no embalming, no open casket, no makeup, no music.

The service typically includes:

• Psalms (often Psalm 23)
• A eulogy (hesped) from the rabbi and often from family
• El Maleh Rachamim — a memorial prayer asking God to grant the soul perfect rest
• A procession to the gravesite

The burial

At the gravesite, the casket is lowered fully into the grave before the service concludes. Then comes a custom many attendees find unexpectedly powerful: shovels are passed to mourners and guests, who each take turns placing soil onto the casket.

By tradition, the first shovelful is taken with the back of the shovel — a small reluctance, an acknowledgment that this is not an act we want to perform. After that, mourners use the shovel normally. Many communities encourage participation by all attendees, not just the family.

The graveside service concludes with the Mourner's Kaddish, recited by the immediate family.

Before leaving the cemetery, attendees often wash their hands at a basin near the exit — a symbolic separation between the realm of the dead and the realm of the living.

Shiva: the seven days

After burial, the family returns home and begins shiva — seven days of intensive mourning. The first meal, seudat havra'ah (the meal of consolation), is prepared by friends and community, traditionally including round foods like hard-boiled eggs that symbolize the cycle of life.

During shiva:

• Mirrors in the home are covered.
• Mourners sit on low chairs or stools, symbolizing being brought low by grief.
• Mourners don't wear leather shoes, don't shave, and don't work.
• A candle burns continuously for the seven days.
• Friends and community come to the house, often three times a day for prayer services.

Sunday-counted shiva ends on the morning of the seventh day (Shabbat is included in the count but mourning is suspended on the day itself, and major Jewish holidays cancel shiva entirely).

Visiting shiva: what to do and not do

Visiting a shiva house — paying a shiva call — is one of the most important Jewish mitzvot (commandments) of comfort. A few guidelines:

• Just show up. No appointment needed; the door is typically open.
• Don't ring the bell — enter quietly.
• Don't greet the mourner first. Sit down nearby and wait for them to acknowledge you or speak. Your presence is the gift.
• Bring food, not flowers. Trays of bagels, fruit, cookies, kosher prepared meals, or restaurant gift cards are perfect. Flowers are not part of Jewish mourning.
• Don't say "they're in a better place" or try to find meaning in the death. The traditional phrase is: "Hamakom yenachem etchem b'toch she'ar avelei Tzion v'Yerushalayim" — "May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."
• Talk about the person who died. Stories, memories, even small details — they are all welcome.

Sheloshim and the mourning year

After shiva ends:

• Sheloshim — the first thirty days after burial — is a less intensive period of mourning. Mourners return to work but avoid celebrations, music, and entertainment.
• For the death of a parent, mourning continues for eleven months (the full twelve in some communities), during which the Mourner's Kaddish is recited daily at synagogue services.
• Yahrzeit — the annual anniversary of the death (by Hebrew calendar) — is marked with a 24-hour memorial candle and the recitation of Kaddish.

Unveiling the headstone

The headstone is typically placed and formally unveiled at a brief graveside ceremony around the one-year anniversary, though many communities do it as early as the end of sheloshim. Until then, the grave is unmarked or carries only a temporary marker.

Visiting a Jewish grave, it is traditional to place a small stone on the headstone — a sign that the person is remembered. Flowers are not typically left.

Attire and conduct

• Conservative, dark clothing. Men: jacket and tie are appropriate. Women: dress or skirt covering the knees, sleeves to elbow.
• Head covering — men wear a kippah at the funeral, at the gravesite, and at shiva (kippot are usually provided). Married women in Orthodox settings may also cover their heads.
• No photography at the funeral or burial.
• Phones off.

Common phrases

• Baruch Dayan HaEmet — "Blessed is the true Judge." Said upon hearing of a death.
• Hamakom yenachem etchem... — The traditional comfort phrase used at shiva.
• May their memory be a blessing — A widely used English phrase, often abbreviated as "z'l" or "of blessed memory" in writing.

Practical planning for families

• Call your synagogue first. The rabbi will coordinate with a Jewish funeral home and arrange for chevra kadisha if applicable.
• Notify the chevra kadisha quickly — tahara needs to happen before burial.
• Coordinate the meal of consolation. A close friend or extended family member, not the immediate mourners, should organize.
• Set up the shiva house in advance — low chairs (often delivered by the funeral home), a memorial candle, covered mirrors.
• Plan for daily prayer services (a minyan of ten Jewish adults is needed for Kaddish in traditional communities).
• Document your own wishes — burial location, plot, chevra kadisha, specific rabbi, songs or psalms.

Jewish mourning is structured for a reason: it gives the bereaved a clear sequence of where to be, what to do, and when grief is expected to soften. The community shows up, sits down, and stays — and that, more than anything else, is what comforts.

Published by Afterly Plan. This article is for general informational purposes and is not legal, tax, or financial advice. Consult a licensed professional for guidance specific to your situation.